Yeah you got it! Where did she go? That’s a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. Don’t know where she went but I do see a glimpse of her, trying to dig her way out of the dark abyss she has called home for about the past 9 months. I cannot believe I have let something other than “me” have so much control over my life. It is crazy!
I sit here tonight rereading my past post on this blog and I find myself thinking, “who is this woman”, “where is this woman”, “can I please have her back?” Yeah you got it, I want me back. I want the Josie back that makes herself laugh. I’d say the world, but who really cares if you laugh at me? Sorry I am selfish, I love to laugh…at myself. If I find it funny somebody, somewhere has to as well.
I haven’t totally neglected the blogging world. I have another blog, a blog where I go by a pseudonym to protect my identity and face. It is where I go to write how I truly feel without judgment of those close to me. Judgment by the world bothers me none. But when you guys judge me…it ain’t good.
I want to give props to the following which have impacted my life this year and I want to surrender their control over my life and begin living my life the way I want starting…tomorrow:
• Depression – Yes you have been a dedicated friend (enemy) that has stuck by me through my good times reminding me of my bad. You have made me fat and ugly. You have caused me to miss out on a lot of good times. You have made me treat some really good people like cow dung. You have filled my head with deception and from here on out you are banned. Like a steer’s nuts are banded, I hope you fall off and rot. (sick…but I find humoruous and remember, this here is my blog.)
• SEFL – You employed me from August 9, 1999 until my resignation on July 1, 2010. I will never look at another LTL carrier again or pallet of freight without thinking of you. I’ve learned so much including, but not limited to: bills of lading, free-astray, proofs of delivery, minimum required c/rs, operating ratios, friendships that last until the day you resign, friendships that last until the end of time, the meaning of the words: culture, teamwork, devotion, etc. All in all this is and was a great company to work for and I’m proud to say I worked there. There is a great group of people that still reside there, and I give the owners props for taking care of the people first.
• SAHM – Stay at home mommy – ain’t nothing wrong with this title. I chose to be one and depression has chose to inform me I am lazy and I don’t have a job but I know that a mother’s work is never done. Holden came up to me today smiling his big ole grin, patted me on the shoulder, and said “Mommie” and ran off to play. Depression was trying to take me down but God sent my angel to life me up. Thank you Jesus. I embrace every meaning of the word SAHM, spit up and all.
With all that said I want to say…I am a stay at home mommy to the best darn Hutson boy, hands down! I can say that b/c I am his mommy and if I didn’t slap me. I am a full-time student enrolled at Western Governors University pursuing my degree of Bachelors of Arts, Special Education. My graduation date will be December, 2014, if not sooner. At which time I will get my teaching certificate and be able to teach special ed K-12 or all other students K-8. Being a teacher has always been a dream of mine and I’m going to be 30 next year. It’s about time I take control of Josie’s life. She can’t do it on her own.
Well, it is 1:00 AM. My boys are out for the night and so are the dogs. I am hungry, but since I am fat I will take my medicine and call it a night as well. I appreciate you stopping by. Come back soon.
